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False Starts, Decisive Endings

by Chris Harris

/
1.
Look at me, I'm doing my thing again Tried and tested, frayed and worn Anything but trying to sing again All that generates is yawns Might be off and running, doing what I know But I must pay more attention to the places that I go I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of doing what I do I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of never sounding new Guess you heard me playing those chords again Novelty has long since fled the scene Never see I've made my audience bored again Point it out, and I'll just think you're mean Predictably, I'm at the end of the song again Yet any lesson remains unlearned I'll hide away until I feel I belong again and what's left of my ego has returned
2.
The Cynic 04:18
There comes a day when you discover you've been creating someone else's wealth and you're left hoping to recover the tattered remnants of your health Just walk out the door or slowly go insane seems like that's the choice you have to make Once you know the score you won't get trapped again; nice sentiment, but we both know it's fake Those times When you were ill, but still got called in? A 'strong work ethic' is a con Your boss won't waste his time in being maudlin His company will still go marching on Each time you experience a blip in your career They act contrite, and offer you support But from the fact that you have not run screaming out of here They know without a doubt that you are caught
3.
Time in isolation unending solitude Temporary situation continually renewed Nothing getting traction except our deepest fears No social interaction in what feels like a million years Stuck in contemplation with too much time to think Permanent stagnation could drive a man to drink My mind becomes more abstract I have become a ghost I'm lacking human contact It's what I miss the most It's all drifting out of range My life's becoming much too strange Doubt the existence of the life I used to lead There's too much distance to the things I really need I've seen too much rejection Now I'm unable to connect And it's my introspection that's the cause I must suspect Now I can barely understand the simplest forms of speech while the life that I had planned lies forever out of reach I feel I must apologise if this is sounding bleak But even though I'm immunised I'm dreading the next week I try to persevere and move on, from day to day but the people I hold dear are much too far away
4.
Omega Block 03:40
5.
Retrograde 03:25
When you and I sit down to talk there's nothing left to say Not going to lie Not going to walk We simply find another way This situation makes me feel like I've been here before Each new escapade Feels like a repeat I'm turning retrograde Life is in retreat Each advantage you press home Quickly goes into reverse As romantic as styrofoam but we know we could do worse
6.
Incoherence 05:20
When I have a thing I want to say, it seems to me I have a choice: to ramble on until you've run away or focus my internal voice Am I making sense, or am I screaming at the void? Reading someone's writing maps the mind behind the thoughts Beware when fighting understanding seems to be the thing that they had sought I want my words to leave you feeling good To write with balance, and with poise I care that what I say is understood And not just making lots of noise Make one point per sentence, or folk start to get annoyed If I have a message, I need to make it clear Otherwise there is no point in even being here Nobody will profit if my writing is obtuse And if I can't communicate then really, what's the use? I must remember that the words I write let others see inside my mind They can show darkness, or reveal the light I know which one I'd rather find Unless you are a child, emojis should not be employed
7.
Chirality 04:17
Lambda baryons break up left-handedly Beauty quark decay does not go right There is no doubt the universe is sinister the evidence completely watertight Symmetry was once a thing we thought always preserved but in the fifties, science was bereft; neutrinos, first predicted, and then finally observed all had a perfect bias to the left. Reality's most fundamental nature The Weak force always chooses to go left The Universe imposes legislature it clearly knows that widdershins is best Our amino acids are left-handed although our DNA winds to the right The very laws of physics will demand it the Standard Model's won another fight
8.
Happenstance 03:37
9.
Rain to Stop 04:08
I'm told to put the past behind me And focus on the days ahead though life has treated me unkindly I just need to think positive instead I might get sun tomorrow but I'm in the dark today They keep promising the rain to stop But I'm still getting wet I've stopped believing in the forecast Because it's never what I get My mental attitude's what matters They tell me time and time again Meanwhile my dreams are left in tatters as I slowly go insane I'm told to chalk it up to karma But have I really been that bad? The fact that nothing I am promised ever shows up makes me sad...
10.
The Wall 03:40
You might have difficulty breathing Up here, the air is mostly ice Make one more check before proceeding Chances like this don't happen twice Edge past the warning sign Feels like the whole world's mine Days like these Are days I thought were long since past When I have skis I don't mind going downhill fast You're going to pick up speed in seconds Pick where you're going to make your turn Although the far horizon backons make sure that you don't crash and burn Don't waste attention on what's stressful Just put your head down, and commit The joy you feel when you're successful Nothing else in life compares to it
11.
Panic at the castle, terror in the streets Someone left the door unlocked, and you-know-who is loose Now he's back regaling us with tales of all his feats In feigning erudition he has gone and cooked his goose Though he's getting roasted, won't complain about the heat A discount set of steak knives could be put to better use He keeps using that word but I don't think it means what he thinks it means Not qualified? Inconceivable! Almost died? Inconceivable! Done before? Inconceivable! Crashing bore? Inconceivable! Heading off to Asia 'cos a land war's broken out Perfect chance for him to demonstrate his expertise Nudges you and warns that there are charlatans about Laughs at the suggestion that he might try to deceive Hired muscle backs him up, he doesn't have to shout Rich enough that he can do exactly as he pleases Has a morbid fear of tall dark strangers wearing masks Obviously traumatised by something, long ago Insists on serving dinner on an outsized sherry cask What in the world can that be, I don't know Choose your glass and get it over with, is all I ask Death is on the line and it is time to end the show... Coming last? Inconceivable! Way outclassed? Inconceivable! Giving in? Inconceivable! Know he can't win? Inconceivable!
12.
Threshold 03:30
Part of my world has changed and something's not the same The playing board's been rearranged, but I still don't know the game Feels like the work that I've put in these last few months is finally having an effect I'm sleeping better, and for longer than I've ever done before I'm beginning to get stronger I'm developing my core It's not the wisdom of the Ancients and I'm not trying to start a cult It's exercise, so I've been patient but I'm liking the results The changes which I have been making were all extremely overdue But now I sleep through until waking If I can do it, so can you!
13.
14.
Forgotten 04:46
Let me introduce myself I spoke to you last year You said that you'd get back to me, but somehow I have yet to to hear I don't mind a bit of waiting I know you're a busy man but I've been finding this frustrating, two years on since it began I think it's time this was concluded, if it's all the same to you I don't believe I'm being deluded in saying resolution's way past due Feels like the system that I've fallen through Is nothing short of rotten You didn't do the things you said you'd do because I have been forgotten The news has left me quite distressed and I am overcome with gloom Right now I think it's for the best that you're not with me in this room I thought that we were making progress, that soon I'd finally get a call But someone else has had to confess that you've done nothing at all I try to manage expectations; disappointment's something I avoid but mounting anger and frustration has made me quite a bit annoyed The past year's not been easy but I'm done with cutting slack This pain makes me feel queasy, I want my good health back I've been extremely understanding, but I've had enough of being sick As of now, I'm going to start demanding: I want to get this sorted, quick I think a year's enough digression While my condition's not severe I only have a single question: how do we move on from here?
15.
When we're too busy looking outwards That's when we need to look inside There is a full page of instructions on how to microwave this ready meal Pretty sure there's something I forgot to do What it was I simply can't recall I'm sorry but you're going to have to give some sort of clue I can't remember anything at all Please don't feel as if you need to stage an intervention I have the situation completely under control No really I'll get the hang of this in a minute Please hold your call is important to us I am not a robot because I just ticked this box Please remember to put your bins out by 7 am This is an update to our terms and conditions What does this red button do?

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Another selection of songs which were written during the Fifty/Ninety songwriting challenge in August 2021.

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released September 2, 2021

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Chris Harris Bristol, UK

I'm still trying to get the music I record to sound like the version I can hear in my head. To do this I've ended up playing every instrument I can get my hands on. These days, I'm closer to "That Sound" than I used to be, but the journey continues.

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